Kids Are Becoming More Isolated Thanks to Digital Devices

Written by: James Carnell

Research has shown that using smartphones and tablets makes many kids feel isolated. The readily acknowledged negative consequences of spending too much time on devices are:

· Sleep problems

· Acting out dangerous “challenges”

· Lower grades

· More time spent indoors

· Less time spent being active, which leads to weight gain

· Irritability

· Poor self-image

Kids who spend too much time on their devices often develop mood problems, spend less time in person with friends and family, and no matter how often they scroll through social media, they feel isolated and alone. Despite this, it’s hard to get them to be social in real life because they want to fit in online.

This problem is relatively new. Even though kids have had access to handheld video game consoles for decades, it was easy to get them to put it down and go out to the backyard for a barbecue. Today, if you get a kid to agree to come outside for anything, you’ll have a hard time getting them to put down their phone.

Mobile devices are different than video games

While kids have been absorbed in handheld video games for decades, nothing holds attention like the internet. Handheld game consoles are just for games. A mobile device has a web browser, text messages, social media, apps like Snapchat and TikTok, games, photos, videos, and group chat apps like Discord. Kids will naturally use their mobile devices more frequently.

When used in moderation, spending a couple hours on a device is fine. However, children who exercise moderation are rare. Children between the ages of eight and 12 spend an average of four to six hours each day on a mobile device, while teenagers are on their devices for around nine hours per day.

Most of the time, kids stare at their screen every spare minute they get. Even so, it’s not just the amount of time spent on a device that’s harmful. It’s the inherent nature of spending most of their time in a virtual world that creates feelings of isolation.

The problem goes beyond “screen time”

You’ve probably heard people talk about limiting “screen time” for their kids by installing apps that limit and track the amount of time spent using each app. Facebook, along with several other platforms, are now considered part of real life, and some kids prefer those worlds over their actual lives.

Parents can restrict how long their kids get to spend online, but that's not the biggest factor contributing to feelings of isolation. Social media trains kids to be antisocial in the real world in a couple of big ways.

• Social media shapes passive-aggressive behavior

Sites like Facebook and Twitter encourage passive-aggressive behavior. Without naming names, kids write posts directed at specific people they don’t like and consider friending and unfriending people on Facebook to be the equivalent of gaining or losing a friend in real life. If they have a problem with someone, they unfriend them instead of talking it out. If they get unfriended by someone, they consider it a lost friendship.

This type of behavior trains children out of talking about issues directly with the other person and allows them to have a one-sided view of their relationships. Friendships that are worth saving after a disagreement are often destroyed because one or both parties use social media to make each other wrong instead of having a private conversation. This is part of what makes kids feel disposable and isolated, even when they have a lot of “friends” online.

• Social media measures worth by engagement

Social media trains kids to post for an audience, and they judge their self-worth by how many likes, reactions, comments, and shares their posts get. When posts are ignored or barely acknowledged, kids take it personally and some feel like they have to do something more extreme to get those reactions and comments. However, even when they do get attention, it’s never enough.

Kids would feel more connected without social media

Instead of forming deep, satisfying friendships, kids are spending most of their time trying to establish themselves in a virtual space to get accolades from people they don’t even know and others who don’t even matter. It’s no wonder they feel isolated from their peers. They’re surrounded by people, but everyone’s too busy trying to “make it” in the virtual world to notice their presence.

Social media is here to stay, so all parents can do is control device usage for younger kids and talk to their teenagers about the downside of always being online. Not everyone will listen, but those who have already been negatively impacted will be more open to the idea, and some might even follow the trend of leaving social media for good.